Happy Birthday
by LAG0802
Summary: Tony is struggling on his birthday, as he tries to come to terms with what has happened over past year. Implied m/m slash.


This is my first story, I have read thousands and appreciate all the great writers out there. I do not own any part of NCIS and do not profit in any way from this story. I hope you enjoy my first attempt. LAG

**Happy Birthday**

The sun was high in the sky. On the streets of Washington, DC, people moved about their business in the blistering heat of the day.

It was July 8th and many of the tourists who had come for the Forth of July in the Nations Capital had stayed on, to visit the monuments and museums on the mall.

In a quiet neighborhood of Washington, far from the hive of activity, a long figure laid curled up on a small single bed.

Occasional a small whimpering sound escaped the man's lips as he tried to hold back the tears that threatened to overwhelm him.

Today was his 45th birthday and he had never felt so alone and empty in his life.

Just eight weeks before he had his work, his friends, his family, now he had nothing.

Tony rolled over on his back and pulled up his copper colored comforter that matched his copper colored sheets. After the Christmas incident with his father he had gotten rid of his old blue bedding and mattress.

Tony could not bare the thought of sleeping on that bed again after his father had violated his trust by having sex in his bed. After weeks of suffering back pain from sleeping on the sofa Tony had broken down and purchased a new mattress and bedding.

Drawing a deep breath, listening to the hum of the air conditioner, Tony slowly, looked around his bedroom; he did not have the energy or desire to get out of bed today. This was his birthday, it was supposed to be a happy day but as so many of his past birthdays this one to was full of loneliness and disappointment.

Tony ignored his ringing cell phone; he had cancelled his landline to save money, as he was now job less. Tony figured it was Abby or Ducky calling him to wish him Happy Birthday, but how could he be happy when he had lost everything.

Tony did not regret quitting his job at NCIS, he was Gibbs loyal St Bernard and if he had been ready to die for the man leaving a job to save him, seemed like a small thing to do.

But leaving was no small thing. Tony found that between Parsons blocking his move to another law enforcement job and his age now 45, no one wanted a nearly washed up, middle age agent with a huge black mark on his record.

Tony's thoughts drifted to Tim and Ziva. They had stood with him as all three left their badges, guns and a large part of their souls on Vance's desk.

Tim has started writing again and as it turned out, with the continued sales of Deep Six, Tim was able to live comfortably off the royalties of his book. Also after his initial poor investment, he had been wiser and had a considerable portfolio.

They would initially get together for lunch or a drink but as time passed the distance between them had also grown.

Ziva, Tony sucked in a deep breath as he thought of his Ziva, but no she was not his and had never been his. After leaving NCIS, she had decided to return to Israel.

Ziva had told him she needed time to reflect on her life, decide what her next journey would be. Ziva also had not finished settling her fathers substantial estate, and she going home to find herself and take care of unfinished business.

Tony remembered taking her to the airport; they had stood in awkward silence as they said good-bye. Ziva had stood up on her tiptoes, gently pulling his face forward as her small hands cradled his face and she had given him a soft chaste kiss on his check, as he had once kissed her on the forehead in the woods. Quietly she whispered in his ear, "Take care my dear friend, thank-you for having my six." Then she turned and went though security never turning back to look at him as he stood watching till she no longer in sight. Deep in his heart he knew this was a final goodbye.

As tear escaped his eyes, Tony turned on his back and stared at his ceiling. In his mind he took stock of what he had. An apartment he could no longer afford, with his small savings and unemployment compensation, he would be able to afford one more month of rent; then he would be out. With a small gasp he realized he had no place to go. His closet was full for designer suits and shoes but no place to wear them now. Lying in bed doing nothing did not require fancy clothes.

He thought of his piano, it seemed so long since he had played, selling it would be like selling a piece of his soul, but if he had to move he could not afford to take it with him.

Tony took a deep sigh and wiped the tears that betrayed his feeling as they leaked out of his eyes. He heard his father's voice in his head for about the 100th time that day telling he was a DiNozzo and DiNozzo's didn't cry,

Forty-five years old and he had nothing to show for his life. If he was more religious maybe he could be come a Monk, but that would not work for so many reasons.

Maybe he could use his physical education degree, he had seen an add for staff at a youth recreational center but then again not, his knee was shot and his back could not take the increased activity level. Plus, he thought, kids never seemed to like him and he thought of the protection detail with Kate so many years ago, he tried so hard with the kid and ended up losing his favorite sunglasses to the brat.

Thinking of Kate, he closed his eyes and fell asleep dreaming of better times.

With a start, Tony woke up, his room was dark now, he was cold from the blast of cold air from his air conditioner. When he looked out the window he could see the streetlights on.

Happy Birthday to me he thought, as his stomach growled and his mouth felt dry, Tony realized he had not been out of bed all day.

Tony worked his way out of the sheets and blankets. After a trip to the bathroom, were he could not look at himself in the mirror, he went to the kitchen to eat a piece of cold pizza. He picked up his cell from the counter and noted the missed calls from Abby, Ducky and even Tim.

His heart skipped a beat at one unexpected call – Gibbs.

Tony fumbled with his phone and went directly to Gibbs message, his finger pausing over the play button.

Gibbs, Gibbs, he tried so hard not to think of the man over the past weeks. His feelings toward Gibbs were a jumbled mess; just what was Gibbs to him.

Tony did not want to analyze his feelings too closely as he had long buried his feelings for the man. Gibbs was his longest relationship, his partner, his mentor, his boss, and his friend.

Gibbs demanded everything Tony had to give and then more. Gibbs and Tony like Batman and Robin, Starsky and Hutch, Cagney and Lacey, McGarrett and Dano, just seemed to belong together. What was he, who was he without Gibbs.

He loved Ziva and the others all thought she was his "It Girl", but she had been correct. She was a friend, one he would go to then end of the earth for but just a friend.

Gibbs was something else, something deeper, but he could never allow himself to go there, he loved Gibbs deeply, but he could never allow himself to show the depth of his feeling. He knew Gibbs would never love him back and just being close had been enough, now he was left with nothing, nothing but worry.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed the play button, the gravelly, gruff voice of his friend, his boss, the man he loved, played through the speakers, "Hey Tony, I don't have much time, but I wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday, I hope you have not locked yourself in all day. Tony I know this has not been easy for you, but hang-in there it will be over soon and I expect that you will be covering my six again." Then whispered so softly at the end Tony thought he heard, "Tony, I love you" then click.

Tony hung his head and this time did not try to stop the tears from falling, Gibbs loves him and he would be back.

Tony thought of tomorrow, tomorrow he would get out of bed, tomorrow he would clean up his apartment, and tomorrow he would look for job. Tomorrow he would call Abby, Ducky and Tim. Tomorrow he would give up the fantasy that was Ziva. Tomorrow he would have hope, hope that when Gibbs came back he could say I love you too. Tomorrow he would start to live again.

8/28/2013


End file.
